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Yakubu Dogara, left, in a group photograph with his wife and children
Yakubu Dogara, a former Speaker of the House of Representatives recently celebrated 32 years of friendship and 25 years of wedding. He hosted a cross section of journalists in his Gwarrangah Country Home in Bogoro Local Government Area of Bauchi State during which he talked about his family life. Excerpts:
By Akanji Olowolodu, Bauchi
Recently you celebrated 32 years of relationship with your wife. Can you tell us what has kept you together for over three decades?
Life, of course, is not a bed of roses. But actually, it is just as the scriptures talk about our salvation, that we should work it with fear and trembling, it is the same thing. Everybody builds the home they want. You are not going to have a husband that fits a hundred percent into what you are looking for, he doesn’t exist and you are not going to have a wife that fits a hundred percent into your expectation. That lady doesn’t exist. All you need is a teachable spirit and once you are able to talk to each other, understand each other, make sure there is free flow of communication in the marriage and make sure that you practice forgiveness, then you have solved everything. I heard Papa Oyedepo say one time that he practices advanced forgiveness and I have adopted that. I practice that, whether it is in the parlour, in the living room, wherever, in the bedroom, wherever; I have advance ‘forgiveness’ that I have stocked because I know that once you are dealing with human beings, you are not going to have a perfect situation just as you are not perfect.
It is interesting hearing this concept of ‘advanced forgiveness’. How do you do achieve it because we heard your wife say you never raised a hand on her?
If you tell yourself that you are not going to be hurt, you are not going to be offended, you are not going to have issues, you are deceiving yourself, you won’t go far unless you are dealing with an angel. Even angels are not perfect. At least Lucifer was one of the finest, if not the most beautiful of all the angels and look at what happened to him. So, it shows that no matter how we strive in perfection, something is there; we are clothed with garments of imperfection. Once you find a perfect human being, you have found God, just go down and worship that person but you can never find one. So that is why practising forgiveness is incumbent on us.
We understand that you have only two children. Was it that others didn’t come or it was your decision as a couple?
I want to thank God and give Him appreciation for the fruit of the marriage. Children are here. It was always a battle between me and my dad before he left us. ‘Why would you give birth to only 2?’ I said no I want to stop there so I can train others. Imagine if I had 4, 6, 7, they will consume virtually everything I have and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to extend my hand of fellowship to others. You know in life, we were born to be helpers; not for us to live for us, but to live for others. Look at how Jesus Christ, just merely 33 years on earth, look at the impact, it has been generational. People have tried all manners of things that they cut his fame to pieces but it has never worked, it has survived from generations to generations because he devoted everything that God gave Him for service to humanity and that is why you can never erase Him, you can never cancel Him from history.
How has life been with you, your wife and the children?
And I want to thank God, not only for my wife but for the two kids. We have never had any issues with any of them except for occasional health challenges. I remember I told my son sometime that if there is anybody who will want to serve God more in this house, he should be the one because as a young boy, he was taken on admission at Zankli and one day the doctor called me, he was already in a coma for more than two hours. At then, she told me, she is still alive, I think she is the head of Zankli hospital right now. She told me, ‘Young man, I have done the best I can but it is like there is no hope. Just prepare yourself and see what you can do after this but I don’t think your son is going to make it.’ So, I held her hands and said, ‘Okay doctor, thank you very much.’ It was towards Christmas like this, I remember very well. I said now that you have done your best and nothing seems to be working, God will step in. And she said, no. That she heavily suspects that he is even had sickle cell and his genotype is SS. I said no, there is nothing impossible with God, God will change his genotype. I said you can go home; we are still here and I just went somewhere quietly and prayed and said God, you cannot disgrace me. I will not lose this child, never. Except you don’t exist.
Shortly after I said the prayer, I went into the room, then somehow, somehow, he just jerked up.
How were you able to exercise such faith?
Honestly speaking, humanly speaking, I had already given up hope myself, it was just God and that was what brought about the biggest miracle that God has done for us in these 25 years and I will never forget. It was really a test of faith.
How can you describe the relationship with your wife given that you are politician?
For my wife, I don’t know what to say. She has been a blessing for us. She has been able to hold the Homefront very well as I go politicking. Most of the days, I am not around, even if I am in Abuja. I have to describe myself as a non-resident father; I am around but never available. That has been the situation but she has been faithful, she continues to bless us. Everything that God has imbued in her as a mother, she is now our mother. She has done everything for us, she is mothering very well and I pray that she will never have the opportunity to grow tired.
How long did you date her before marriage?
One thing I said when we were getting married, I told her look, we have been dating for about 7 years, so we are basically friends. Sometimes, I tell people that it is better to marry a friend because this love, love, love, they say love is blind, and when you marry, that’s when the eye will open. So, if you are very close to someone, even when the eyes open, that friendship that you had will still sustain you.
In our own case, I dare say that if God gave our children the opportunity to choose the mother that will raise them, they’ll still choose her. If I had the opportunity again in life to marry again, I don’t think I will hesitate to still choose her. And God willing for us…in heaven we will fellowship as brothers but as we enjoy here on earth, by the special grace of God, He will sustain us in the name of Jesus. He has led us through these 25 years and He will not fail us. And as it is said, the end of the matter is better than the beginning, so we hope that our end will even be better than the beginning.
We understand that you were very close to your dad…
Yes, I was pretty close to my father, I was the last born, so before his journey to Israel, to the hospital from which he never returned, he called me and said, well, you have done well for yourself but I think you are going to succeed. You have succeeded, I can see the steps, you are going to succeed. And he said, whatever you achieve, here on earth, as if he knew he was not going to come back because he was telling me to allow him go home and share whatever he has before he goes but I said no, you are not going anywhere, nothing will happen to you, just go for your treatment. And he said to me, all of these things you have done, you will never impress me if I don’t see you in heaven. I had that discussion with him. So, that’s really a challenge to me and the word keeps ringing in my ear, ‘whatever you achieve in life, I will never be impressed if I don’t see you in heaven.’ So, it is still a challenge up till today. We have to live our salvation with fear and trembling.
You also clocked 55 years recently. How do you feel coming this far?
As it is said appreciation is application for more. I appreciate God for the gift if life. The Holy Bible admonishes us to number our days so we can apply wisdom. Wisdom of time. Time is the currency if life. I like to be very private and I said to myself that I will celebrate my 50th birthday, 75 and by the grace of God when I reach 100 years I will mark it.
Wisdom is to know at the end of each year that you are able to number your days and see what is it that you have been able to accomplish because the major reason why you are on earth is not all about you and yourself but to see whether you have invested more in the lives of others. The entire essence of numbering your days is to be able to redeem something. If you are talking about redemption, it means something has been lost. So, if you have lost time, you should be able to reprogram yourself to see how you will redeem what you have lost.
We should do more to redeem our time and invest more in serving others even as we try to take care of ourselves. What is uppermost to me, really, is not longevity, I want to see how well I have invested the years that God has given me. You know, when you are alive, you can choose to invest in yourself, or in others.
